urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68 kristen kristen 2004-02-29T21:38:28Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:146351 2004-02-29T21:38:28Z 2004-02-29T21:38:28Z i work today from 2-7. i really don't feel up to going, but i'm sorta glad because it's something to do. yes. i had fun yesterday hanging out with josh and marc, and a good time with the girls last night. i can't really think of much to say, except that i really want to see adam right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:145983 2004-02-29T21:11:41Z 2004-02-29T21:11:41Z what happened in west *covina* stays in west *covina*. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:142472 2004-02-04T23:54:48Z 2004-02-05T01:25:57Z i got my days mixed up at work. i went in and they swiched the shift i was suppose to have to a six to ten shift. my manager said i could leave once we close though, if i'm not feeling up to it. that mean's i'll be off by nine. sweet. i'm glad i dont work until saturday. i don't know, this week hasn't been very good. sorry if i've been mean. seriously, it probably isn't you. i feel like laying in my car and talking with adam.<br /><br />i think if there was a song that i wish had been written about me, it would be by <a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br /><b>sweet avenue</b><br /><br />tasting you and rain, i walk down to the train<br />trying not to look down<br />this day could someday be an anniversary<br />everything is light and sound<br />facing forwards going slowly, wait for you to show me<br />where this train wants to go<br />living by the hour, i stop for every flower<br />everything is soft and slow<br />now all these tastes improve through the view that comes with you<br />like they handed me my life<br />for the first time it felt right<br />thank you for making me see there's a life in me<br />(it was dying to get out)<br />holding you we make two spoons beneath an april moon<br />everything is soft and sweet<br />this cigarette, it could seduce<br />a nation with its smoke<br />crawling down my tired throat<br />scratches part of me that's purring<br />softly stirring<br />i'm a captain of industry, smoking famously<br />feet up on the windowsill<br />looking at all these trees i feel affinity with<br />everything so soft and still<br />budding at my fingertips<br />touching you i start to bloom<br />alive with trains and passing ships<br />soft and sweet along your lips now<br />i go "<i>oh wow</i>"<br />thank you for taking me from my monastery<br />i was dying to get out<br />with tears of gratitude<br />i like my latitude<br />cross-town train to you<br />now all these tastes improve through the view that comes with you<br />like they handed me my life for the first time it felt worth it<br />like i deserved it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:142021 2004-01-30T08:12:22Z 2004-01-30T08:20:06Z i missed first period today. parking was hell. i woke up way way too late. <br /><br />bad days come in floods lately. depression is just anger turned inward, right? i am distracted. separated. my mind is running like a movie, with clips from the past present future. i have been chosing the parts to direct, mere snap shots. rewinding the good parts. fast forwarding the bad. day dreaming. <br /><br /><br />i have been dozing off all day. i couldn't sit through one class. eep! the most absolute hilarious part of today was when i woke up drooling on my desk in english, sexy eh? <br /><br />tomorrow i think katie and i (hopefully danica!) are going to stop by kids factory to turn in her application. woohoo! i don't know what's going on after. we have all of these plans but we never really end up sticking to any sort of set plan anyway. laguna beach? maybe for a little. i think we are coming back around two or three depending on what's going on. i don't know. she hasn't called back. oh well. this part here is really just for mental notes.<br /><br />i am really tired. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:141383 2004-01-24T02:20:23Z 2004-01-24T02:22:31Z finals are over. thank god. a whole new semester soon. clean slate. i am listening to hot hot heat and trying to put my closet back together. i feel like i'm trying to put my life back together. inside i am in a sort of non-emotion state at the moment. i exist but do not feel, that kind of thing. meh. i do feel kinda bad about turning that josh kid down. oh well. he just isn't for me, i suppose. hmm, i am not very willing to leave this computer before midnight... lol. purely out of habit you understand! i crave sweet. chocolate in particular. DAMMIT! where is my chocolate? -sigh- 'I'm just one great big fucking ray of sunshine aren't I.' i want to hang out with adam and jon later. meet up with danica, alyce and katie. i don't even know if i can go out yet. arr. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:140967 2004-01-20T00:33:51Z 2004-01-20T01:06:04Z katie &i were up until five this morning &had five hours to sleep. we had hung out with many people &went to denny's &hung out with chelsey. i was sleepy. this morning, we went to royal &bought some delicious croissants. i picked up adam &we hung out for a little. i liked seeing him because he made me laugh. afterward i drove around by myself. danica couldn't go out. i went to borders to look at magazine pictures. i ran into aaron's mom &saw emma at border's earlier. it was great because i miss them. all of them. but yes, i bought some magazines. i found an article on elliott smith in one of them. there was a pretty picture of him, too. i have to be at work in an hour &a half. i am not feeling like i want to go. i want to just sit &feel happy &eat sandwiches &cereal &watch television. oh, i bought x[one] today too. i don't know, my hair is growing out &i don't know how i feel about it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:140742 2004-01-18T08:02:51Z 2004-01-18T08:08:08Z i really dislike working right now. i feel like i really do not want a job. oh well.<br /><br />i want to go somewhere. not at the moment, but tomorrow. i've been home all weekend. it's nice, but i miss danica &katie. i really hate school.<br /><br />i'm sort of stressed out &i havent been sleeping. i feel the need to exercise. <br /><br />i feel like exploring the canyon by my house, like old times. i want to go to the treehouse. i'm sort of hesitant about going alone, though. paintball guns can't deflect a full grown mountain lion should one come strolling by.<br /><br />i am so anti-social when it's cold out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:139872 2004-01-14T06:40:58Z 2004-01-14T06:48:05Z my brother steals all of my scissors! and my phone too! grr to him. i wanted to finish something i was suppose to give danica for christmas. i am feeling a little bored. &a little lonely. i am starting new writing notebook, which for about six months or so has been dwendling. i don't think i feel like writing right now, just putting in lyrics i like, or phrases. i keep watching scifi. 'tripping the rift' looks lame, but i'm intrigued. it's really cold here, and i am all bundled up: sausage like. i am thinking about alot. i've felt odd lately. i feel out of place when i'm around people, but i'll get over it. this week is neverending. i hate struggling to get to where i need to be. school, work, whatever. i've made it worse. they say they want to do it, and then when i need them to, they don't want to. i feel like shit about even asking. next week will be better though, my dad rented a car &his jeep should be fixed by then.<br /><br />random desk objects that i'm looking at:<br />-super k. fortune cookie(with panda picture &everything)<br />-book light from radio shack<br />-plastic dinosaurs from savon(mwhaha!)<br />-salt shaker(still)<br /><br />i want a sandwich. we just bought some russian rye bread. i am going to go make one because lately all i've really consumed are snapples of various flavors &an occasional french fry. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:139148 2004-01-11T10:52:48Z 2004-01-11T10:52:48Z myspace isn't working. and thanks to DANICA i'm addicted now. fucker. i have been friending people all day. i'm loving the pacman.<br /><br /><br />after work: danica. starbucks. alyce. chris. rachel. jami. BJs in tustin. had to be home early. spectrum. corinne &friend andrew. 7-11. home. aim. josh. adam. jon. chris.<br /><br /><br />i am a little bored right now &i am hungry for the cheese ravioli's that danica's mom makes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:138911 2004-01-10T02:38:03Z 2004-01-10T02:42:50Z i don't feel very good &my teeth are really sore. i am getting ready to go out with danica. hopefully, katie too. i don't think the thing with chris robin will fall through tonight. i am also talking to adam.<br /><br />you make me wonder what you're doing. you don't make any effort to say hi.<br /><br />oh well. <br /><br />everyone says my pants are getting too big for me. i need to buy new ones, i think.<br /><br />my dad wants me to go buy him pepsi at the market. i don't want to, i am SUPPOSE to be getting ready. arr. i am so unmotivated. <br /><br />i love kind of like spitting even more now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:138334 2004-01-08T04:42:05Z 2004-01-08T04:42:33Z fuck you. <br /><br />just... fuck you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:138055 2004-01-07T07:21:04Z 2004-01-07T21:01:04Z very alone. ok i need a haircut of some sort. i've been trying to grow it long again but it's just driving me insane. trimmed perhaps? what i need are some ideas for haircuts. help?<br /><br />i don't know if it's a good thing that i have been watching so much TV lately. all i do anymore is lay in bed &watch it when i'm home. i can't find the remote &without it i feel like my head is missing. getting up manually is a bitch.<br /><br />cynthia told me that she recommended me to be a regular hire. so when the seasonal hires go, i might be able to keep my job. she thinks i'm a really good worker. i hope so. <br /><br />i bought hair dye to touch up my roots, but i don't think i'll be getting around to it tonight. i'm much too tired of a kristen.<br /><br />i kind of regret having said something about it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:136819 2004-01-04T03:34:59Z 2004-01-04T03:34:59Z <i>my heroes are falling<br /><br />my heroes are falling apart.</i> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:136281 2004-01-03T08:45:42Z 2004-01-03T18:43:06Z i feel like i can't get away from myself.<br /><br />i don't know.<br /><br /><br /><br />aside from this, the last few days have been really good. i think my favorite was new years &last night. the gay party was cute. i loved all of the people there. katie&danica, i love you guys. &DANICA! you family bum, you must hang out with us on one of our good nights! <br /><br />driving home i decided i like the rain. i like the sound it makes as it hits the windshield when you drive. i think of happy thoughts. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:135650 2003-12-31T21:03:05Z 2003-12-31T21:08:50Z oh this sucks.<br /><br />my mom is mad at me beacuse we have company &she says i'm not "participating enough," &that "hanging out for 15 minutes in the same room as them, formulating an escape plan" is <i>not</i> quality time. she wants me to stay home tonight. grr. grr. grr.<br /><br />i think i'll still be able to go out for a while. hopefully. my evil plan is about to unfurl.<br /><br />i went with my dad to the auto club this morning &to pick up the explorer. <br /><br />yesterday was generally, overall, a bad day. i didn't feel good, so sorry if i ruined anyone's night.<br /><br />i don't want to go to work today. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:134733 2003-12-30T01:31:48Z 2003-12-30T01:31:48Z i do not like the grapefuit jelly bean.<br /><br />&ironically<br /><br />i do not like the root beer jelly bean.<br /><br />at all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:133218 2003-12-25T23:24:58Z 2003-12-25T23:24:58Z typical entry of listing presents, hehe:<br /><br />-freaky friday dvd<br />-harry potter dvd<br />-bath&bodyworks giftcard<br />-starbucks giftcard<br />-charlotte russe giftcard<br />-two new jackets<br />-a scarf<br />-a pair of jeans<br />-new dvd player<br />-walkie talkies<br />-jelly bellys<br />-book light<br />-yoshi microsizer<br />-super mario shirt<br /><br />i love them all.<br />i finished both of my books today. <br />i feel exactly like the boy in <b>heart's delight</b>.<br />they were good books.<br />i need to go to borders, but that can wait until tomorrow.<br />i think i am going to see peter pan.<br />all by my lonesome. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:132502 2003-12-23T19:17:27Z 2003-12-23T22:30:14Z going out with jen, call me if you want to come.<br /><br />i have so much candy, it's great.<br /><br />last night was fun guys. &lt;333 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:131680 2003-12-21T04:09:46Z 2003-12-21T04:09:46Z hmm, what happened yesterday? i went christmas shopping. tiffany &krystyl accompanied me &we had fun. after, we went to krystyl's where carlkimme&ryan came over. we had fun. i kept falling aleep &i was cold. lol. we played hungry hungry hippos.<br /><br />i couldn't think of anything to do so i ended up redying my hair &falling asleep in front of the fire for a few hours. it was nice. <br /><br />i claimed danica for tomorrow. we are going to see lord of the rings, hopefully. i can use my coupon dealie i won from the school. whee!<br /><br />i put a bell on michael's collar. i laugh at him when he walks by.<br /><br />i am going to watch the santa clause two. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:130672 2003-12-17T06:53:03Z 2003-12-22T08:21:07Z someone that i used to know died today.<br /><br />went to the mall with my mom and found some stuff that i'd like. i get to have an early dismissal tomorrow to go back and finish shopping. i work at two.<br /><br />my cat is psycho. i wish he would just go to sleep when i do... but nooo, he has to jump on me and kneed my legs when i finally begin to fall asleep. grr.<br /><br />the sleep over that i had with tiff and krystyl was fun last weekend, even though my room smelt like cat.<br /><br />krystyl's grandma decided that we are going to new ark, not new york; which is in new jersey. i am still way excited. whee!<br /><br />i miss a lot of things right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:130532 2003-12-16T02:22:23Z 2003-12-17T06:54:24Z yeah so, today was good.<br />i put my deer picture back in my bathroom. it doesn't go with anything, but i love it to death.<br />krystyl wants to see if i can go to new york with her when she goes with her grandma. i'd absolutely love to go, it would be amazing.<br />work kind of sucks right now.<br />i have a lot of chemistry homework to finish and i don't know how long i'll be procrastinating about it.<br />in january, for my birthday, i plan to get my belly button pierced. <br />my belly is much too cute to not have such an accessory, hehe.<br />i need to dye my hair ...too poor to buy any dye though. damn.<br />my bottom teeth are almost straight. i love my braces. i think i will get black bands next. ...or maybe, blue?<br /><br />at least i'm not parapolygic, right? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:130205 2003-12-13T00:48:55Z 2003-12-13T00:48:55Z Battle of the Bands tonight with ChrisMattandRachel, hopefully. I don't know who else is going. Josh bought me a ticket. I am going to spend the night at Katie's and then we are getting up at early to go to help Mr. Welch. I work from three to eight. Grr, stupid JoAnn it just brings sad memories right now. I should really finish that resume to give to Bank of America. I'm such a bum. <br /><br />Mr. Hoffman came up to me in econ today and asked if I'd do him a favor. He told me to call him up in five years to tell him how I am because he thinks I'm really smart and will go somewhere. It made me feel really good. I hope tonight goes well. I need to feel happy, this week has been devastating. <br /><br />Erm.<br /><br />I am eating a bran muffin and trying to beat Drake of the Elite Four. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:129804 2003-12-12T01:19:03Z 2003-12-12T01:30:52Z although a little rough, today wasn't that bad. <br />it was really cold.<br />i saw elf last night with my brother and brendan.<br />hopefully this weekend, mr. welch will have his community service day again so i can get my hours done.<br />i was watching grease 2 and i fell alseep. i kept walking up to them singing songs.<br />i'm sleepy, but i want to go somewhere.<br />i have been trying to play the sims, lol, but i can't think of names i like for them so i get frustrated and turn it off.<br />my dad is going to come down and order those movies for me. yay.<br />i have to scan in the pictures katiedanicaandi took yesterday. <br />they are so funny. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:129656 2003-12-11T14:06:21Z 2003-12-12T03:47:20Z maybe it hurts because i'm still in love with him. i've talked to him every day for so long its hard to just not pick up the phone and call him. it has felt like i have nothing to look forward to. i feel lame because i was sort of holding onto hope that we'll get back together, but then i realize that it wasn't me who made this decision in the first place. i need to be with someone who wants to give me all of them, not just a little piece of thier baby toe. when i'm with danica and katie, i feel like i'm starting to feel okay, although, i'm exhausted physically and emotionally. it's hard to let go when you really don't want to. i don't want to be mad about this because you can't help how you feel, but i am. i deserve to be with someone who knows they love me, and wants to take care of me. i should buy some paints and more canvus. i haven't painted for a while.<br /><br />his cousin came into my work last night and asked if i was dating him. i told her that i had been until recently and she said that he really liked me alot. she was really nice and she didn't know but it still kind of rubbed in a little.<br /><br />i don't know. katie danica and i went to the mall yesterday. they did christmas shopping and i well, shopped for me. lol. i bought some new clothes and decided that from suncoast i absolutely needed: totoro, x (dvd one), and spirited away.<br /><br />i'd like some uggs for christmas too.<br /><br />my x-files poster came yesterday.<br /><br />i don't think i like the holidays anymore. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killrockstars68:129315 2003-12-10T13:32:53Z 2003-12-21T03:57:33Z natalie merchant suddenly nicole balckman's poems have so much more meaning. it's like they are all speaking to me.<br /><br />i feel like i've lost a piece of myself and i am never going to get it back.<br /><br />"...it didn't feel like i thought it would. Didn't feel like being hit or having something drag heavily on me. It felt like someone came to take my bones away and pulled them out one by one. Impossible to stand, impossible to sit, I rolled and pitched uncontrollably like a ship on death waves."<br /><br />right now, all i can do is rock and cry because i miss him so fucking much.